You are viewing zaduzbina

26 August 2012 @ 10:46 pm
People wonder why my relationship with  Henry/David was so tight. Afterall- I had had  two peers in my life. One was even closer. Not that I am never thankful for what BOTH my peers did for me. They changed my SCA life and molded me into what I am.

David just "got" me. I didn't have to be anybody but myself with him. I could relax and be me. I could tell him all my fears and even what I felt about people around me, and he never told me I was wrong. He would quietly listen, hug me, and give me an alternative view.

We didn't always agree, especially about SCA politics. We often were in different camps about this (which I had in common with my other peer). But he respected my opinion and  it NEVER changed my relationship with him.

When I was diagnosed with scleroderma, my life changed. My doctors (all 8 of them) advised me to stop doing what I was doing in the SCA because the stress of what I was doing was actually making me worse.(They also advised I stop working too- but I had to eat, so I had to give way on the SCA stuff)

Many people did not understand this sudden change in status and people actually drifted away in my life when I could no longer play the game their way.

David didn't drift away. He understood. He understood because life had dealt him similar cards. 

David had it hard these past years. He was the square peg in a sea of round holes. He never quite fit in  and he knew it. 

Like me. 

What I can do, moving forward, in his memory is to give this gift he gave me to someone else. I will make an effort to be the friend who just "is". No matter what.

I have lost many a friend to life and death, but never someone so close to everything I am. I have spent this week mourning for him and my loss of him.

But starting today, I will gather myself up and be the friend he was to me. This is how I can best remember him.

World be damned. Square pegs gotta fit together! 
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
22 August 2012 @ 04:34 pm
He who has gone, 
so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, 
more potent, nay, more present than the living man. 

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry ~

David- You now know how much I missed you.  Different countries seperated us, but my heart always tied myself to you. 

I can not explain the hole that has been torn into my soul. I only  find comfort in that now you are with those who understand and love you for who you are.
Rest well Brother in my heart.
Current Mood: sadsad
22 August 2012 @ 03:44 pm
A man who changed my SCA life passed on. Master Henry MacQueen, My Laurel father greeted the setting sun and walked over the rainbow bridge. I am awash of so much emotion that I can't process it. A fine man, a special soul, a mentor - a friend.
Current Mood: horribly sad
06 August 2012 @ 01:41 am

We are ON MARS!!!!!!!
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
23 July 2012 @ 02:29 pm
LJ has had some posting problems for me. Not posting my updated status from other sources and I was too busy to try to figure it out.

Holy crap- the dermatology business has been booming. I've been putting in extended  hours as they come. Taking advantage of the money for the leaner months (November and December).

In other news, it's been a whirlwind of activity in the SCA. My cooking and scribal gathers are still occurring each month, with cooking gather being the most direct success.

I can say how much it makes me happy to have like minded medieval cooks of all abilities in the same room creating together. Everyone pitches in and everyone learns- This is what I always wanted to have in NY. There are so many people who have something to say/share in a non formal setting. Everyone comes away with a question answered, a lesson shared, and something yummy to eat.

This is the best place to try out that recipe you know won't fly in a generic SCA feast.

Scribal gather needs some overhaul though. I had wanted it to be in a format similar to cooks, but scribes seem to be of a more solitary nature. So, it looks as if a MORE formal classroom like atmosphere may be in the working. Local scribes to Bhakail- if you are here, let me know what you think.

The good that came out of this? Hubby is doing scrolls again- and he's doing awesome ones. Keeping him to local scrolls right now.

And- I've renewed my membership in the SCA. For those that know me- there is only ONE reason I'd do this. 

Yes. I have a job. New editor of the Kingdom A&S publication - Ars Scientia Orientalis

The outgoing editor had a severe attack of life, so I stepped in.

I am not going to war- so I can spend my free weeks actually pulling something together from what was transferred to me recently.

I really missed working with newsletters. I wanted to see if I could keep this active. It's had a choppy existence so far.

All this Sca stuff AND continuing to explore my new home state (which is still AWESOME BTW) on my free weekends has kept me out of trouble and happy. 

So- it's been busy, with the future looking busy as well, and that's okay with me.
Current Mood: contentcontent
14 July 2012 @ 05:33 am
Lunch at Vietnam in Philadelphia with a friend from Connecticut
Yummy things procured from Reading Terminal Market
Free Shakespeare in the Willows Mansion Park in Radnor (Love's Labour Lost)
08 July 2012 @ 10:37 pm
Today's rocks.
1. My Sunday was awesome. See G+/Facebook pictures. (This is the first day of my weekend)
2. Made sugar free candied ginger for me. I love this stuff and it helps with my sugar cravings.
3.Might actually sleep in NO air conditioning tonight!
08 July 2012 @ 08:28 am
Yup. It's been hot. Dealing with swelling and resulting neuropathy (my usual summer stuff) while working full time and NOT sitting down all day. Challenging.

I have now been inside for 4 days- (we broke out 7/4 to celebrate) Air conditioning is good- but being inside is BORING. I could never be a longtime gamer- I need to be outside.

So we do short vacations  from the air conditioned world- today we do The Kutztown Folk Festival.

There  are so many things to discover out here. I lived for 25 years in NY,20 years in NJ and 2 in PA  (counting my time in Morgan and Swissvale previously) and I still have YEARS to discover PA. A year ago this month, we made the final decision to relocate- and I have never questioned the decision.

I went from working 60 plus hours- to pay the rent and bills and have nothing left - to working 30 hours to pay the rent and bills and have nothing left.

But- I have the ability to breathe- be unstressed- and feel like I am worth something again. I am no longer a cog in someone else's wheel.

I can create and write and do things that are fun again. (I stopped all of my writing and art in NY- I never had time or energy).

The SCA sees me no more frequently than in NY- but I can have people over for gatherings related to SCA more often, so I get my fix.

The benefit of all this is that  I am feeling better- less illness related issues and with that comes more ability to exercise and with that comes weight loss which in full circle makes less illness related issues.

Not everything is perfect, but mind you it's a whole lot closer to where I used to be.

And that goes to Today's rocks
1. Didn't lose power in storm (a regular occurrence in Putnam Valley, NY)
2. Offered yet MORE overtime above my already scheduled OT for the month.
3. Heat wave lessened- under 100 again.
4. Going out to play in Kutztown Folk Festival.
5. Co-worker had a 6.4 pound baby boy on 7/5 early am- despite all warnings of specialist- Babe and Mom are doing well.
Current Mood: happyhappy
04 July 2012 @ 11:54 pm
1. Awesome old time 4th of July
2. Philadelphia Freedom!
3. Narberth Fireworks!
4. Work tomorrow (Unplanned- but mo money!)


Current Mood: happyhappy